Humorous Love Poems 2

A further collection of humorous love poems from the pen of Paul Curtis. From an alluring creature espied in church to the romantic possibilities of a female cellist, the poems focus on the lighter side of human love and the libido.

You Shine So Bright

Light and fluffy, cute and cuddly, it's a romantic poem to bring a twinkle to your eye. Less an intellectually challenging poem, more a poem for the intellectually challenged.

A gently humorous verse in praise of what can only be a paragon of virtue in female form.

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Humorous Love Poems

If You Were a Star

If you were a star you’d be the brightest
If you were a mood you’d be the lightest
If you were a pop song you’d be number one
If you were the weather you’d be the sun
If you were a drink you’d be bucks fizz
You are the best you are the bizz

Idle Speculation

A man speculates rather wildly about when and with whom he’ll fall in love.

Contemplation in verse form as to if, whether or when the poet will finally fall in love.

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Humorous Love Poems

Whether Or When

Whether plain and frumpy
Or even cross and grumpy
Whether fat or skinny
In a long dress or a mini
Whether sober or tipsy
From New York or Poughkeepsie
On green grass or on clover
Perhaps on a train from Dover
Who, where, how is a way to begin
But what I want to know is when
When is the burning question
That’s affecting my digestion
When will I discover
Who will be my lover?

Lecherous Behaviour

The sight of a beautiful maiden across a crowded church proves something of a distraction for the author in this poem which mixes the humorous with the mildly sensuous.

A mildly titillating and rather longer poem in which a man is distracted from a church service by the alluring sight of one of his fellow churchgoers.

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Humorous Love Poems

I Spied A Christian Maid

From my pew
Where I stood and prayed
My eyes were fixed
On a Christian maid

Is it inappropriate?
My lecherous behaviour
When in church
Worshipping the saviour

I studied every inch
Right down to the floor
Instead of hymn numbers
Vital statistics I saw

A glimpse of lace
A bra strap showing
My eyes consumed her
Without her knowing

The tightness of her jeans
Her shape within
I missed the sermon
Doubtless about sin

A sight to feast my eyes
Which affected me so
That I had a quiver in my voice
And a tingle down below

Oh lord forgive me
For being such a sinner
But you must admit
She really is a stunner

Tongue Tied

A young man finally overcomes his nerves and plucks up courage to speak to the girl he waits each morning with at the bus stop.

A warm, affectionate poem about a tongue tied young man finally plucking up courage to speak the the woman he encounters daily at the bus stop.

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Humorous Love Poems

Speech Impediment

Each morning, we stood at the bus stop
Not together, but in proximity
Day after day, week after week
I would glance at her in admiration
But I would never speak to her
There would be an occasional nod
And sometimes a smile
I would have liked to ask her out
I had almost done so many times
But my nerve would always go
So often I formed the question in my head
But the words wouldn’t come out
I always steeled myself
For the big moment, but it never happened
Then one day
When she looked particularly alluring
I thought to myself
This time will be different
This time I have rehearsed,
Though only on the cat,
This time I will do it.
So armed with a well constructed sentence
I made my move
I took a deep breath
Turned to face her,
The sentence looping through my head
Over and over
I opened my mouth to speak
But the sentence did not appear
Instead jumbled words tumbled out
From my anxiously dry mouth,
But not in the order I intended
Some words inappropriately joined together
Giving an all together different meaning
That may have caused her to be offended
It had gone better with the cat.
I just stood there
Spouting my nervous stuttering gibberish
I thought she must think me such an idiot
And fully expected her to laugh in my face
But instead she smiled at my nervousness
And reformed the words into a sentence,
The very sentence I had rehearsed,
Spoke it back to me
And then smiling broadly, answered yes

Smitten

A love poem that begins You are simply the bee’s knees could go one of two ways, but as I've plonked it in the humorous love poetry category, you’re probably safe.

A light romantic verse which pours praise on a lover through a series of animal metaphors, although no DBs, thank goodness.

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Humorous Love Poems

The Cat’s Whiskers

You are simply the bee’s knees
The cat’s whiskers to a tee
And I couldn’t feel more lucky
If I’d won the national lottery
So I amble about the place
A smug expression on my face
Like a cat that got the cream
As you’ve made my life a dream
And you are my little sex kitten
And I am yours, totally smitten

Unlucky in Love

A touchingly simple or simply touching poem offering a small degree of solace to those who have been unlucky (or ill treated) in love.

A warm, uplifting poem offering comfort to those who have lost in the game of love, or retired hurt.

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Humorous Love Poems

Don’t Cry

Don’t cry because the love affair is over
Wipe those tears from your face
And allow yourself to smile because
It happened in the first place

Between the Sheets

Beds are not just for sleeping in… …there's also dozing, and dreaming, and a great deal more besides.

A classic between the sheets poem updated to take account modern proclivities for duvets (or continental quilts, if you're feeling especially liberated).

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Humorous Love Poems

Snooze Ville

I want to inhabit forever
That special place that dreams fill
That safe and cosy place
Beneath the duvet in Snooze Ville

Between wake and slumber
A place that fulfils wishes
Where lover’s hands are held
And lips deliver stolen kisses

A place where dreams come true
Where loved ones live forever
A place where all is forgiven
And success comes with any endeavour

Where you can embrace forbidden lovers
Sweet moments of utter bliss
Or be together again with first loves
With kisses and caresses to reminisce

I want to inhabit forever
That special place that Dreams fill
That safe and cosy place
Beneath the duvet in Snooze Ville

Irony Alert

Is it the embodiment self-deprecating humour? Or a gently amorous poem about a loved one whose modestly borders on naivety?

A romantic poem which will be read by some as ironic and others as warmly endearing. I'd be inclined to the latter view, having encountered plenty of Paul's barbed offerings.

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Humorous Love Poems

The Wonderful Girl I See

Why do I love you?
Well it could be
Because you’re beautiful
Or that you’re funny

It could perhaps be
That you laugh at my jokes
Or that you chose me
When there are better blokes

It might be because
You’re caring and sharing
Or of modest disposition
Though cautiously daring

Why do I love you?
It could quite easily be
Your wisdom and intelligence
Or that you’re pretty and witty

But it doesn’t matter
What superlatives I apply
Or how long the list of traits
And attributes that I supply
You wouldn’t recognise them
The wonderful girl I see
Would be a stranger to you
Such is your modesty

Sweet and Sour

A poem which is simultaneously light and fluffy, dark and mysterious.

This funny love poem is a bitter-sweet confection - sugary at the outset but with a bitter aftertaste.

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Humorous Love Poems

Sweet Expectations

She is the most sugary sweet
Girl you could meet
In essence she is a perfection
Of a confection
She is a sweet sensation
She is a candy creation
She is a delicious bon bon
Need I really go on on
And to tell the honest truth
I have the sweetest tooth
And long to consume
In the quiet of her room
This soft centered dream
Of peaches and cream
But like many a desire
That lights a man’s fire
Come the appropriate hour
The candy will turn sour

A Renaissance Masterpiece

A poem which mixes business with pleasure, age with beauty and thoughts best left unspoken.

A business dinner in Paris of greatly enlivened by the appearance of the hosts enchanting daughter.

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Humorous Love Poems

Florence

It was to be another business dinner
Another fabulous restaurant
Another expensive meal,
Or should I say “dining experience”
At someone else’s expense
This time a Paris nightspot
Of great renown
But more boring business talk
More boring company
But then quelle surprise
Out of the blue and quite unexpected
Une jeune fille
How pretty she was
La belle fille
With huge brown eyes
And long dark hair
Une petite fille
Her name was Florence
The niece of our host
Only in Paris for one night
And did we mind if she joined us?
As if we would mind
A bunch of boring business men
Or a bunch of boring business men
And a beautiful young woman
No contest to my mind,
I was besotted by this beautiful creature
When the waiter came
The American next to me
Ordered a steak, well done
“And for you monsieur?”
“I’ll take her, any way she comes”
Fortunately I only said it in my head

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